THE PROGRAM
By Carolyn Bushong

Psychotherapist Carolyn Bushong has developed several programs for becoming a healthy, happy person, who avoids making dumb mistakes in relationships, and who keeps her (or his) personal power in relationships.

My program began as a program to help women be independent whether single or in a relationship. Originally, I taught women how not to play victim to controlling men. I taught classes on assertiveness and guided women in how to strengthen themselves in every area of their lives, whether financially, emotionally, in their careers, sexually, or handling their girlfriends. I believed that if women were not dependent on men in any way, they would be happier and have more control of their relationships – knowing that this is what most women want.

Then as it became obvious that both women and men needed help, and as I learned that sometimes it is the man who is the victim to a controlling woman, my therapy evolved into a program for men and women to become healthy and have equal relationships together. What’s important to know is that victim/controller relationships are unhealthy, create resentment, and ultimately end in divorce (or a lifetime of misery).

To have a healthy relationship, each person (whether male or female, straight or gay) has to work at making himself or herself happy. Most of us unsuccessfully try to make our mates happy, as our mates continually let us know (just as our parents did when we were young) that what we’re doing is not good enough-- since they are still not happy. So, we end up feeling as though we ourselves are not good enough, that we’re lacking in some important way. We feel guilty for not being able to make our mate happy (when it’s not even possible for someone to make someone else happy), and our mate resents us.

It becomes a lose/lose situation.

We have to give up the myth that we can make him or her happy, and also give up the myth that “justice will prevail,” i.e. that it will be reciprocal in that our mate will also try and make us happy. Instead, we need to focus on ourselves and our own personal growth. With each of us growing and cleaning up our own baggage, we ensure our own happiness and make ourselves a better mate in our relationships.

My first book, Loving Him Without Losing You, came from my motto to myself: “Never be dependent on any man for any reason.” Below is my program from that book that breaks dependency and shows you how to become a strong, independent person with high self-esteem that does not chase anyone’s approval.

The Program for

8 STEPS TO INTIMACY WITHOUT ADDICTION

After teaching women (and myself) how to become strong and independent, I realized the true test came when trying to be in a relationship with a man. Instead of keeping men at a distance and fearing that intimacy with a man might take a woman’s strength away, it was time to have healthy relationships with men without making dumb mistakes, so I wrote The Seven Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make.

The Program for

AVOIDING THE 7 DUMBEST RELATIONSHIP MISTAKES

1. Stop forcing intimacy (and start letting love evolve).



2. Stop expecting your mate to read your mind (and start communicating exactly what you feel and want).



3. Stop playing the martyr (and start refusing to be abused).



4. Stop assuming you are always right (and start opening your mind).



5. Stop rescuing your mate (and control your own life).



6. Stop taking your mate for granted (and start respecting your love).



7. Stop letting passion die (and vow to keep falling in love again and again).

Once you stop making mistakes in relationships, you know how to be intimate, and you’re in a long-term relationship, sometimes things still go wrong. It’s easy to accidentally lose your power, especially since we don’t necessarily know how to handle all the situations that will be thrown at us, whether it’s babies, his parents, job changes, or an affair. So, I wrote Bring Back the Man You Fell in Love With to show a woman (or man) how to get the power back in a relationship.

The Program for

9 STEPS TO GETTING BACK THE POWER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP